7/20/1997
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"...the church's youth pastor invited me into his office and told me about the Ezzo's programs and how important they were to effective Christian and biblical parenting. ...I took the book right home and read it straight through. I immediately felt immensly guilty that I had been demand-feeding my baby and sat down to scratch out a schedule for him. But even as I was doing it I had a very uneasy feeling in my gut, so I prayed and asked God for wisdom regarding accepting the Ezzo's pricipals. Tho' I did try to start my 3 month old on a schedule, I never did feel "right" about it, but again was so convinced my the Ezzo's that I was being a ungodly parent, that I kept working at it. After a week of scheduling tho', and turning my infant into a whinny and crying baby, I gave it up, and luckily found this website, which has made me feel so much better about the way I was parenting right from the beginning. Anyway, just wanted to say thanks for being here and taking the time to share your opinions and research!"
[the next three posts were written by a mother who initially endorsed Babywise. When her baby developed feeding problems, her view changed.]
10/21/1998
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"it is evident to me....that you have never met a mother that has raised her infant under this method with some common sense. We will always have wackos out there that will read this or any other book and take it too literally. ...
"... I fed my baby every 2 1/2 to 3 hours when he was small. I would not say that I was neglecting him in the slightest. However, I did not stick a bottle or breast in his mouth everytime he started crying..."
2/17/1999
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My son is now 15 months old. We used BabyWise for the first 6-9 months of his life. During that time we were also dealing with reflux but were told by our Ezzoite friends to stay with the method because it was for his own good. He would be on a good schedule and his metabolism would be straightened out. BLAH BLAH BLAH ...My son now almost completely refuses to eat. The nutritionist that we have seen seems to think it is coming from the fact that I had him on such a rigurous (sorry my spelling is awful) schedule as an infant. Take that schedule and the fact that he had reflux and it was disaster in the making. I never listened to his cues - I fed him when the *BOOK* told me to.
2/20/1999
(Same thread as above)
Someone commented that she should not blame this outcome on Babywise, and she replies:
BabyWise says to get him on a schedule and that it will actually help colicly and reflux babies to do so. We did. He would cry when we would try to get him to eat but because we had read this and were being supported by other Ezzo parents we felt it was the right thing to do.
At nine months the reflux ended but his fear of eating did not. Now, like I said before he is competely scared that we are going to make him eat when he doesn't want to. Sometimes I will put the food in front of him and get out of his sight and he will eat better.
I don't blame BabyWise for all of this. I should have known better. [This child] is not my first child and I have never had problems like this before. I should have known not to put him on a schedule and [I should have decided] to demand feed him just as soon as he started showing signs of being distressed. But I was trying to raise him "God's" way.
Am I mad at the Ezzos for putting out this book. YES I AM!!! I am also mad at myself for reading it
02-07-2005
As a first time mom, I found him to be very helpful but I found myself not following his book to the letter because it became too difficult. I never once noticed the theology back then. I did not follow Baby Wise for my other 2 kids because I just did what seemed right for them and every baby is so different.
[this mother is/was a Babywise user at the time of writing, sharing publicly.]
"Today she is 4 weeks old. ...This baby is on a 3 hour routine and takes full feedings starting at 7 a.m. ... after her 1:00 feeding, I'll lay her down around 2:00. She will fuss and gradually build up to an all out f16 bomber plane. She will settle herself down a few times and possibly even doze for just 5 minutes before the awful crying starts again. She will cry striaght through to her next feeding..... It's been 1 hour and 40 mintues of crying now with this nap and it's almost time to get her up and feed her w/o sleeping. WHAT can I do? Our feeding routine is about the only thing that's going well..... I have a stubborn baby"
5-28-2004
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"When we were expecting our first child, we were encouraged by testimonials from several friends -- intelligent, devoted Christians all -- to make use of the Ezzo approach to infant feeding and discipline. Without getting into details, I regret that we followed their advice, and I would warn parents away from it. It is overly rigid, and encourages an adversarial relationship between parents and children. While Ezzo is right to encourage firmness, he discourages natural parental tenderness."
"I went to a Ezzo class at a local church when my oldest was a baby and I am embarresed to say that I tried his methods without much success. The group became very 'cult like' which apparently is very common with Ezzo groups and very uncomfortable."
Feb 25, 2004
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"We were determined with my first child that we were going to do Babywise and GKGW right down to the letter. I tend to takes things all or nothing. We were in Bible School at the time and it was the "only way to parent" and the peer-pressure was HIGH. It was very exasperating for me. It sounds so ideal when you are reading the book before you have any children. Our daughter turned out to cry 8-9 hours a day non-stop (we did not know right away that she was allergic to the citrus and dairy in my diet). I was pressured by all around me (because of Ezzo) to let her cry for 8 hours straight if I had to and not to pick her up (I was told that my 3 week old child was "spoiled"). I was forced to work against my motherly instinct. It was one of the worst experiences of my life. I would never recommend the program to anyone. If you are great at taking a few ideas from a resource and moving on with your life then reading it could have some advantages."
[This mother descwas so susceptible to following ... because I was so selfish in my own NEEDS as a person, I NEEDED my sleep, I NEEDED my own schedule and BREAK from my life as a mom -I thought. I only wanted to give a little bit and I made her give the rest of the way to accomodate me. I am so thankful that age, more children and mothering in general has helped to enjoy the process of giving of myself and enjoying the ride, even the 2 am ride."
[Finding her way to the heart of motherhood]
July 13, 2004
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"If my firstborn cried at night, we would time it, and every 15 minutes, one of us (usually me) would go in to comfort him, but for no more than 2 min. at a time. We eventually took this down to 10 minutes... I didn't know it at the time, because he was my first, but he was just a really high-maintenace baby. I thought I was doing everything wrong, too, because my ds wasn't doing so cheerfully wonderfully as the book said. BUT, he did sleep through the night @ 7 wks. With each of my other two, I just followed the basic schedule of eat-play-sleep, but was progressively more lax ~ on purpose. The younger 2 boys still slept through the night soon ~ at 8 weeks and 9 weeks. I was so afraid though, that I was going to start some horrible, irreversible pattern of them needing to be rocked to sleep, held in the middle of the night, etc., that I didn't rely enough on my own instincts to lighten up a bit. My 2nd was about 15 months before I decided to rock and sing to him at night before bedtime. That was one of the best parenting decisions I ever made, and one of the most lovely memories I have w/ him being a baby.
That lasted about 9 months, until the 3rd was born. With my third, I remember feeling the joy and relief of "allowing" myself to let him fall asleep in my arms on the couch after nursing him at night, and me dozing off, too... We didn't do this every night, but it's something I'd not done at all w/ my younger two....Some of what Ezzo says is really useful, but I think he misses the heart of motherhood"
[A mother in Southern California]
August 31, 2000
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"I was sucked in by the promise of a good night's sleep and followed the advice of Babywise (minus the 'letting him cry himself to sleep' advice, for the most part) for the first few weeks and regret it! My son is quite large for his age (before he was six months, he was wearing twelve-month clothes), so he didn't go hungry, but he did have colic, and the Ezzo advice made me doubt my maternal instincts, which made a difficult situation almost unbearable! Once I realized that the advice was ridiculous, and did what came naturally, things got much easier...."
[From a physician/mother in Georgia]
May 27, 2004
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"I am no longer going to be recommending the book.... My other kids weaned by 7 months because of supply issues, and maybe they would have nursed longer if I had done things a little differently...."
November 22, 2002
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"My baby's temperament was not at all suitable for the methods in Babywise. My wiring as a mother also did not allow me to parent that way. But that is what I know *now*. Just like Ruth's post, during those stressful times (around weeks 2-3) when all the help had gone home, my husband had returned to work, and the baby was going through a growth spurt (which I didn't recognize) I kept referring to that book and a couple others and just felt more and more inadequate as a parent."
Aug 14, 2003
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"I used babywise with my first 2 children. And yes it "worked" both babies slept through at 3 weeks. But I hated the way I felt. ...With my 1st baby I only nursed for 4 months due to milk drying up from feeding on a 3 hrs [feeding routine]. And with #2 milk didn't come in because of the 3hr thing it just wasn't enough suckling time. So with baby #3 I so badly wanted bfing to work out I decided to nurse on demand and it just feels so right."
5/27/00
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"We took the Growing Kids God's Way class last year and it seemed to cause more intense power struggles than help. We felt we had to do anything and everything to get 1st time obedience based on the this program. I think we almost became more authoritarian although the program says they don't believe in t hat style of parenting. When we told people we had gone to a Christian Counselor who specializes in children and were trying some of the techniques she suggested, we were told we were "lowering" the standard by using other techniques."
[On using Babywise with a subsequent baby]
11/10/2000
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"She cried almost nonstop, i didn't know what we'd do, as i had the view we'd do the schedule as long as it worked, but i wasn't going to let my babies lay and cry, etc. and it seemed that was her nature! Well, i tried doing the schedule w/her. didn't work. Oh,yes, she slept thru the night sooner than baby #1, but she didn't want to nap for the "right' amount of time. I tried to make her conform to the schedule, and wound up stressing
myself out. Soo, we chucked it....Now when i meet an ezzo mom, i get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. His material is set up to play on parents fears, fears that if they don't do this or that exactly this or that way, their kid will be screwed up for life. He appeals to peoples sense of pride. WHY is it so important for people to compliment you because your baby sleeps thru the night? Or because of anything they do?!PRIDE is a sin!! Now,,luckily, w/baby#1,he suffered no ill effects,,had good weight gain, is a happy loveable kid. But i still ache inside that i barely rocked him. Because i was afraid if i rocked him to sleep, ,that would make him into some unmanageble kid,or something like that. I'll save the GKGW gripes for another e'mail."
[A foster parent tells about the Ezzo'd children she cared for]
12/31/01
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"Thought I'd update on the foster kids I posted about here a few months back, since I saw them over Christmas. There were four boys three and under (3, 2 year old twins, and a four month old), the four-month-old was severe failure to thrive, the twins had developmental delays, and the 3-year-old had major behavior problems (he had regressed after the baby was born, she had fought not to give in, and he had developed major behavior issues far beyond the typical 3-year-old issues). She was offered parenting classes in the home, but kept falling back into the Ezzo parenting style, and when she was charged with medical neglect the children were removed. She completed a course on proper parenting, with an emphasis on attachment-style parenting, and she is now at a happy medium. All four boys appear to be healthy, happy, and developing well. Quite the change from the boys I saw six months ago!"
A second post from the foster mother offers a little more background:
"These children were removed because of the failure to thrive with the infant and the charges of medical neglect, due to the two-year-old's having a large gash on his head that went untreated. Mother felt she was allowing the child to manipulate her, or something of the sort, not directly related to Ezzo teachings, but an Ezzo mindset. We provided foster care for about six weeks, but didn't have room for them so they were split between relatives until social services decided they could be reunited."
5/25/2004
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A mother of 4 says:
"I have been much more laid back with my 4th baby and don't mind, in fact love it, when he falls asleep while I nurse him. Although he doesn't always do this, but he will go to sleep on his own too. He's 7 months now. I scheduled my first two boys with Ezzo. I had little problems with my first born, however lost my milk supply with ds2 and he was failure to thrive from 2-5 months. He just needed to eat more than 3 hours and I still was an inexperienced mom to see the signs. I had tons of guilt over this."
3/3/2005
A father (who liked the class overall) says:
"I jokingly called it "Growing Kids Gary's Way" since he did seem a bit overly confident about the program."
4/30/2005
A pastor says:
"Ezzo had the same effect on our people as Gothard did. It was now "What does Gary say?" about all child-rearing stuff."
5/12/2005
Another pastor agrees:
"When I unleashed GKGW on our church in Florida, we got our own set of "zombies" as well. I have found that by not using/mentioning the videos or other resources, I can teach the material in a small group setting without getting the Ezzo-worship."
5/15/2005
Another pastor thinks his church's GKGW classes have been positive but says this:"I agree with your comments on the Prep for Parenting. Our ministry thinks it is way too structured. We don't use it."
7/18/2005
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A blogger in Canada:
"I realize that many people have followed Gary Ezzo's methods for child rearing (and it is Growing Kids Ezzo's Way, not God's way, make no mistake) and have found success. We did not.
...at the end of our experience with Ezzo parenting material, we had a rather adversarial relationship with our children. As we have learned to be more gracious and merciful with them, things have improved.
1/12/04
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"Our pastor actually stopped his sermon one Sunday and addressed the division in the church over GKGW.... he didn't say everything I wanted him to say, but I was happy he took that initiative. He basically did a "gloss over" "It doesn't matter which side you are on, we all need to support each other's parenting choices".
5/04/04
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"Having taught the course myself several years ago I can NOT recommend the course at all! I have extended experience with the community that it creates. There are MUCH better materials out there to persue."
7/20/05
A mother's comment on a blog post:
I was one that took "the class" with other couples. When we started to have our doubts, we were terrified to admit it to anyone in the group. We knew they would be dissapointed, and assume we weren't trying hard enough (when, in fact, we realized that we had some serious issues with GKGW).
8/31/2004
Second time mother changes her mind
I came to this board a couple weeks ago to try to defend Babywise, but after reading many of the posts, doing some research on my own, and trying to implement some of the BW strategies with my newborn, I'm beginning to change my mind. BW just isn't working! It worked beautifully with my 1st baby, but I was soon to find out that not all babies are alike. My 2nd baby is fussier, he loves to be held, and he needs food more often. I think I was so programmed by Ezzo and BW that I was afraid to hold my baby. He needs to be held to go to sleep and I felt guilty for doing so. I felt like a bad mother for holding him - now that just doesn't make sense, does it! I've put away my Babywise book, and I'm just going with my common sense and my mother's heart. I just want to enjoy my baby!
A moving testimony of how an orphaned mother learned to accept the truth God's promise, "I will never leave you or forsake you" and to model its truth in the way she cared for her babies.
"After eight weeks I achieved the highly acclaimed goal of getting my baby to sleep through the night. I was physically and emotionally strung out despite the assurances that this practice would allow me to get the rest I needed. I was deceived....
...Our third child, Raymond Albert, was born in July 1998. This time I made myself available to baby Ray whenever he needed me. He slept with me, pacified at my breast, ate when he was hungry and he never knew what it was to lay alone in his crib and cry for a mommy who wouldn't come.
Ray is a year old now and we are doing great! The story does not end here. On New Year's Day, 1999 the Lord very gently revealed that just as my birth parents had abandoned me, I had abandoned my firstborn in those early weeks of his life. His sobs were not "signs of giving up", but cries of deep despair and like my birth parents, I did not come for him...."
May 6, 2008
What Did Not Work for Me: Ezzo Parenting
It laid a lot of guilt on me, as a young mom who couldn't let my infant cry for a long period of time. Yes, I watched the "Preparation For Parenting video", I read their book, I tried to follow it, but in the end my mother instinct told me to nurture my child and not be stressed out by wanting to follow what the Ezzo is teaching.