Baby Loves Routine

Before my son was born I really hadn't given much thought as to "how" to feed a baby; I knew that I wanted to breastfeed and all of the mainstream parenting books I had read made it seem so easy. I figured it would be as easy as Baby Cries, Baby Latches On, Baby Eats.

I was in for a rude awakening once he was born. I had a very hard time getting the hang of breastfeeding, and had very little support. I only had one friend who breastfed, and she had given me a copy of Preparation for Parenting while I was pregnant. I didn't read it at the time because I figured I would wait until baby was born before I adopted a parenting method.

After the first five days of motherhood, I was at my wits' end and had no idea how to make my baby happy; he always seemed to be upset no matter how often I fed and rocked him. Breastfeeding was off to a rocky start because my milk took so long to come in after my c-section. I was supplementing with formula and pumping what little milk I could because my son had such nipple-confusion that he couldn't get the hang of latching on.

In desperation, I called my friend for help. She asked if I had read the book she had given me. When I confessed that I hadn't, she said to read through it to help me get started. Considering that she had exclusively breastfed all of her children using these methods without any problems, and that the Ezzos are Christians, I figured I couldn't go wrong with this advice.

I read through the beginning of the book and learned all about the evils of attachment parenting and bought into concept presented there: that parent-directed feeding equals godly children.

I mapped out an eat-play-sleep routine for my son, and sure enough, it seemed to be just what he needed. Within a few short days he was calm and contented, and sleeping very well for a one-week-old baby.

But there was one major problem: since I was already having such troubles with breastfeeding, following PDF completely devastated my milk supply and I gave up trying to pump and feed. I had been keeping track of how many ounces I was pumping at each session so I could see my supply building, but by the end of three weeks, I was barely able to extract 10 ounces per day, and that was with pumping every few hours.

At the time, I didn't understand what went wrong. The book gave what seemed to be sound breastfeeding advice, noting that it is a system of supply and demand, and that feeding at regular intervals keeps your milk supply up, so I figured that I just couldn't breastfeed.

The book does not mention that supplementing with formula can cause a mother's milk supply to diminish and that pumping isn't as efficient for milk-removal as putting the baby to breast. I thought I was doing a good thing by pumping myself dry and supplementing the rest! In my mind, I knew that I should call La Leche League for help, but after reading the warnings in the book, there was no way I wanted to get mixed up with those "attachment-parenting types," so I chose to give up and exclusively formula feed.

We continued on with Babywise and my son thrived on having a routine. It seemed to suit his personality and made things a lot more convenient for me! He slept through the night at 7 weeks old, just like the book said a good baby would do, and we congratulated ourselves for our good parenting and being "in control" of our baby from the beginning.

I will say that by the time he got to around 3 months old things got a pretty difficult with the daytime nap situation; he just wouldn't sleep enough during the day, and it caused him to be very cranky from the late afternoon until bedtime. I realized that the eat-play-sleep routine wasn't working for him because he didn't need those long naps throughout the day, so I really didn't follow Babywise too closely any more. I followed more of a eat-play-sleep-play routine, which suited him much better.

A few months later, I decided to purchase the Ezzos' book, Along the Toddler Way, to get a jump-start on the next stage. I didn't get the warm-fuzzies that I had once gotten from their material, because this book focused so much on early discipline and I wasn't crazy about the suggestions given.

What really sent up the red flags for me was the section on mealtime behavior. I wasn't comfortable slapping a 7 month old's hand for throwing food. Nevertheless, I was so blinded and afraid that he would turn into an unruly toddler that I felt I had to do it. After all, Ezzo says that we can't let our emotions get in the way of parenting.

At the next meal I did indeed slap his little hand, which he thought was a new game but it left me feeling awful; it just didn't seem right to hit him for normal baby behavior.

That is when I started to see these books in a new light. I started to ask myself, "Who is Ezzo to call his way God's way?" So many of the behavior standards Ezzo sets are completely unrealistic, like teaching a mobile infant to sit in one spot on a blanket until you decide he can get up.

Shortly afterwards, we finally got the Internet and by some odd coincidence one of the first sites I stumbled upon (while looking for some scheduling tips, ironically) was called Gentle Christian Mothers; I was shocked and outraged at the "Unprepared for Parenting" forum on their message board, but for some reason I just couldn't stay away!

I started out vehemently denying the information posted, but eventually it started to sink in that these were Christian women too, so what were they seeing that I wasn't?

I read the stories of damage done by these methods but I was thinking to myself, "Well, if the method is followed properly that won't happen." However, one visit to Ezzo.info completely changed my mind! These were real live mommies who started out just like I did, and I realized the difference was that my son was one of the lucky ones.

I started to reflect on how Ezzo's books stripped away my natural God-given instincts, and wrote them off as something I needed to overcome. I re-read some sections of Prep for Parenting and the same words I had read enthusiastically months before, I now saw for what they were: degrading and condescending to both parents and their babies.

My husband and I made the decision to completely stop using Babywise ideas and to try our best to forget about it. We kept a routine going because our son was happy with it, but as we found ourselves crossing over into attachment parenting territory, the routine gradually faded away. We no longer saw co-sleeping as something that only weak and indulgent parents do.

By our son's first birthday he wanted no part of a routine; his eating habits changed so drastically when he finally started teething there was no way we could have kept any kind of routine, unless we resolved to "show him who was in charge" and force a routine, which seemed unwise under the circumstances.

We became an AP family in every sense, with the exception of breastfeeding. I can't say that there was a drastic change in our son because I now see that without realizing it, we were attachment parents all along!

However, our view of our child had changed; he was no longer a little sinner who was out to manipulate us with crying, and who needed to be kept in control from the beginning and not allowed to change our lives too drastically. Instead, we came to see him as our flesh and blood who we brought into the world; a future brother in Christ, who needs our loving response and comfort just as much as he needs food and shelter.

While I thank God for His sparing my son from what so many other babies have suffered (failure to thrive, attachment issues and worse), the one thing I truly regret is how following these methods destroyed any hope of giving my son the breastmilk he needed and deserved. The more I learned about breastfeeding, the more I could pinpoint the bad (and outright false) advice given in these books.

Yes, we did get some good out of the books, but the books are designed to benefit parents and their needs, not babies. A few extra hours sleep is simply not worth what can and does result from these methods.


by C. R.

Stories of Former Users and Supporters

  • On Becoming Wise to Ezzo's Information +

    Ezzo's book, Babywise, was suggested to me through some really great friends at church.  They had a picture perfect daughter who napped well, seemed to go with the flow, and seemed pretty independent.  I praised my friends for such great parenting and they told me to read this book and apply it as soon as possible. When we were pregnant, we read this book over and over.  I was thrilled my husband agreed to go through with this type of parenting.
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  • Follow Jesus, Not Methods +

    I read Babywise while pregnant with my first son.  At that time, I was a proud, over-achieving, controlling, perfectionist of a mother who was thrilled that I had stumbled upon the "perfect" and "godly" parenting method.  I felt that by having control over my baby's schedule, I was setting them up for a solid relationship with Jesus Christ because they would naturally bow to authority. Everything went according to plan with my son.  He was on the schedule and sleeping through the night at nine weeks.  I glowed beneath the
    Read More
  • Our un-Wise Baby Experience +

    Encouragement for Christian Parents Before having our first baby, I thought I had the whole ‘rearing children’ thing sorted.  I had watched my older siblings raise their children, done plenty of babysitting, and even helped mothers with post natal depression for a while.  I thought fussy babies were created by fussy mothers, and was convinced I would have an easy child who would sleep through the night by the six weeks.  I certainly wouldn’t be one of ‘those’ mothers still getting up during the night for their six month old!
    Read More
  • Naïve Young Parents in Chicago +

    My husband and I were newlyweds in the Chicago area, and about to have our first child. We wanted to learn more about parenting from a Christian perspective so we went to a GFI parenting class at church where we could get together with new parents-to-be. My frustration is that it seems the Ezzos never took into consideration the moms who suffer from PPD. My depression was pretty debilitating and when my son wasn't "following the program" so to speak, it created a lot of additional stress.
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  • Failure to Thrive +

    I was given Babywise (the 2001 edition) and being an uninformed, naive mother the book's goal sounded good to me. I was so thrilled when my daughter suddenly started sleeping 8-10, even 12 hours overnight! She never cried herself to sleep so I really thought everything was okay. She was responding just as the book had said she would. I had, by Ezzo's description, the "perfect" child: the one who easily fell into her feeding schedule and who was sleeping 10+ hours at night. It was picture perfect. She just
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  • Nourishing and Nurturing +

    I am a first time mom. My son is now 6 months old. Before he was born, I was referred to the Babywise books by Ezzo. I thought, "Wow, what a practical and perfectly logical way to manage feedings." So, I tried it. When my baby was 2 weeks old, I began the Babywise recommended feeding routine. It seemed to be working great. He was really rarely fussy. He was just a happy baby. But at around 3 months of age he was beginning to get a little fussier. I
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  • Baby Loves Routine +

    Before my son was born I really hadn't given much thought as to "how" to feed a baby; I knew that I wanted to breastfeed and all of the mainstream parenting books I had read made it seem so easy. I figured it would be as easy as Baby Cries, Baby Latches On, Baby Eats. I was in for a rude awakening once he was born. I had a very hard time getting the hang of breastfeeding, and had very little support. I only had one friend who breastfed, and
    Read More
  • Read the Baby, Not the Book +

    I'm thankful my Babywise experience was a short one. At the recommendation of friends, I was planning to use the Babywise method to get my baby on a schedule right away. It was especially attractive to me since I was recovering from a c-section and desperate for sleep and structure. I had a fairly long hospital stay because of the surgery, and it was a rough time both for me and for the baby. At first, it was easy to get him to eat or sleep when I wanted him
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  • Pediatric Nurse and ex-Ezzo Parent +

    My husband and I faithfully read this book and the full Growing Kids God's Way curriculum. We were excited to be presented with seemingly sound advice and felt prepared to face every part of parenting. We followed the advice on feeding and sleep schedules very closely, until my 5 week old son began failing to gain weight. Fortunately I am a pediatric nurse and noticed the early signs before his health was severely affected. I visited a lactation consultant and learned that my milk supply was almost gone (pumping only
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  • Our Journey to Freedom +

    I was only ten weeks pregnant when my husband and I signed up to take Prep for Parenting [now called "Along the Infant Way" and also known as Babywise in its secular form] at a reputable church. Family members and friends recommended the course. We wanted to be the best parents we could possibly be for our first child. My husband didn't really want to take the classes, not due to lack of interest in fatherhood, but rather, he thought the idea of taking a class to prepare you for
    Read More
  • GKGW Myths and Misconceptions +

    A former GFI Contact Mom and pastor's wife speaks from the heart I would first like to dispel some of the myths about people who speak out against Growing Kids God's Way. Myth: People who don't like GKGW have never read or used GKGW. I was a contact mom for 2 years, and not only followed the materials myself but counseled hundreds of other moms in their use. In fact, there are still ideas contained in GKGW (ideas which can also be found elsewhere) that I use today. Myth: People
    Read More
  • Just in Time +

    My son is 11 months old and is healthy and happy and still nursing like a pro. If I were still schedule feeding him, I think he would be formula fed, sad and distant. I read Baby Whisperer and Babywise before J. was born, but I didn't really come to any decision on whether to put him on a schedule or not. I knew that the AAP, the health unit and my doctor advocated feeding on demand, but the scheduling seemed to make more sense. I mean, after all, who
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  • A Pastor's Wife's Experience and Observations +

    When my first baby was about 6 weeks old I was exhausted and overwhelmed. I had no friends with babies and my family lived 5 hours away.  I was very isolated. I didn't know what was normal and what wasn't.  I got most of my support from my mom which was great except she never breastfed a baby.  I was very committed to breastfeeding for financial reasons: my husband was a pastor and we were on a very strict budget. Formula just wasn't an option. A young mother in my
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  • Frazzled and Uptight No More +

    I was totally convinced that Ezzo was the way to go. In fact, before my daughter was born, nobody could convince me that Ezzo was bad. I was very determined to have a "good" kid. However, I was an extremely uptight, frazzled Babywiser. I was always aware of what time it was, when the last feeding was, when the next one was due. I had a huge notebook and I took tons of notes, trying to figure out what worked to minimize the crying.
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  • Learning to Trust my Instincts +

    I'm a mom of 5, including a pair of twins. We took the Prep for Parenting class while pregnant with my oldest. I knew absolutely nothing about kids or babies, so I believed everything they told me--except I had a nagging uneasiness in the back of my mind because I felt they misused the Bible. I did not enjoy my first daughter's babyhood. I was miserable when she was crying alone in her room, yet felt that she would be 'spoiled' if I went in to her, and she would
    Read More
  • It's One or the Other +

    [and other Babywise myths that hooked us.] "Of COURSE you can rock your baby to sleep! Just don't make it a habit." Before I had my baby, this actually made sense. After I had her, I remember thinking: "How much is a habit? I did it once yesterday ... can I do it again today? What if I did it twice in one day?" Not to mention that if a newborn baby is crying and you comfort it by rocking or nursing, it will almost surely fall asleep. So, basically, "Don't
    Read More
  • Mothering with Babywise: My Secret Pain +

    It started innocently enough. I was visiting a friend who recently gave birth to a baby girl. Sitting on her couch, sipping tea, I asked her, "So…how often do you feed your daughter?" It was then that I was introduced to the principles of Babywise. Being pregnant myself for the first time, I was intrigued. A couple of days later, I bought the book. I read it within days, and knew it was for me. Being an organized person, I feared chaos in my home once a baby was born.
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  • From Babywise to Enjoying my Baby +

    From hearing my friends talk, I thought Babywise was the only way to raise your baby, so there was no question that I would use it too. I read the book before my daughter was born and re-read it again after she was born. I felt like I had to really work hard to get her on a schedule or she would be a brat and never sleep through the night. So, the first week I immediately tried getting her on a three hour schedule. I always felt guilty when
    Read More
  • Less Stressed Without Babywise +

    I would have said that we were happy following Ezzo, but I can honestly say that we are much happier now. I am so much less stressed out! I didn't realize how much stress Babywising put on me until I quit. So many people had told me how wonderful a program Babywise was to get babies to sleep through the night and get order into your day. I think that was a large part of the appeal, not so much the sleeping through the night, but the orderly day. I
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  • 10 Years of GKGW +

    I want to share our story in the hope that it may perhaps help to warn others who are heading down the Growing Kids God's Way path. We still ask ourselves, how could we have been deceived for so long? In 1992, dear friends of ours, who had found Preparation For Parenting [PFP] the previous year, recommended Growing Kids God's Way [GKGW] to my husband and me. Our eldest son was 2 ½ years old. We had come from a cue feeding/attachment parenting background, but we were very young, immature Christians,
    Read More
  • Deep Regrets, New Mercies +

    Our family was involved with Gary Ezzo’s teachings from the winter of 1991 when I was pregnant with our first child until almost two years ago. When we were first exposed to his teachings, I was only two years out of university where I had completed a broad social sciences degree. If you had asked me about infant feeding routines I would have said they were NOT the way to go - that is, before I listened to the Preparation for Parenting tapes with my husband and another couple we were
    Read More
  • Relaxing into a Routine +

    More and more since we've distanced ourselves from the GFI materials, I realize how deeply influenced we were. I didn't have some of the discipline or milk supply problems that I've heard about, but we've had other problems--mainly a deep misunderstanding of what is child-appropriate behavior, and consequently, we stressed out over things that we never should have been upset about (from the infant stage to now at the primary aged child). I've had to re-learn how to relax about certain things, and create an atmosphere of trust and understanding
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  • If I Could Turn Back the Clock +

    I would give anything in the world to be able to turn back the clock and learn about the concerns and controversy surrounding Ezzo's methods before my dear daughter was born. I was not aware of any of the problems with his teachings; I had only heard positive things about his books and knew friends who were using or had used his books when I started following Babywise with my own daughter (when she was about 2 weeks old). I am a very by-the-book, black-and-white type person. I'm also a
    Read More
  • Coping with Attachment Disorder +

    We were introduced to Ezzo materials in 1995 through our church group of young adults. By the time we were pregnant (Sept 95) many families had been through the course. Everyone kept telling us how we HAD to do the program--it's the best, it works, it's incredible, you won't be sorry, you'll feel so much better about being a parent. The positive statements never ended. We took it early in 96, and finished a few weeks before I was due. My son was born, and had a very traumatic birth.
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  • The "Y" Family's Experience +

    In writing this testimony, we have seen arguments that people who fail with Ezzo's materials are unintelligent or inconsistent with the materials. My husband and I are well-educated people. My husband graduated from Emory University and had an additional four years of graduate school (total of eight years of education) to become a doctor of optometry. I have a degree in special education and had a few years of teaching experience under my belt when we encountered the Ezzo's materials. We are also Christians, wholly devoted to Christ and rearing
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  • The "H" Family's Experience +

    An In-depth Case History My husband and I were introduced to the Growing Kids God's Way (GKGW) programs through a pastor friend after we discovered we were expecting our first child, and our son was one month old when we began using Preparation for Parenting. This was the first book we had ever read about baby care that seemed to come from a decidedly Christian perspective, with scripture all over the place, and it pointed out that basically all the typical feeding, baby care, and parenting information being taught today
    Read More
  • Open Letter about Failure to Thrive +

    The purpose of this letter is to generate public awareness about yet another child who has surely suffered due to following a Christian parenting program entitled Preparation for Parent-ing/Preparation for the Toddler Years (secular versions marketed in stores as On Becoming BabyWise 1 & 2) by Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo . We hope that knowledge of his case can be used to promote existing and future efforts to inform communities of the extremely serious dangers associated with following the Ezzos' program, even in its newest editions [1998 at the time
    Read More
  • Confessions of a Failed Babywiser +

    This essay is written both as catharsis and restitution. I regret that I encouraged many parents to use the Ezzo materials and feel compelled to warn against it. I also want to share how level-headed parents can be allured by this program. There are many other resources online that outline the medical, Biblical and character problems associated with Gary Ezzo and his parenting programs. With this, I hope to offer a personal view of how these materials can negatively effect a family. I cradled my six month old son in
    Read More
  • Failed Babywiser - Russian Version +

    Confessions of a Failed Babywiser - Russian Translation
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  • An Ex-Contact Mom Speaks Out +

    While I was a contact mom for GFI (for a year and a half), I never once met a mom who breastfed long-term (at least a year or longer) without modifying the materials. I did see babies who appeared listless and in a depressed state, who were smaller than average or scrawny. I met scores of moms who struggled with milk supply to a point that it completely removed the enjoyment of nursing their babies. I met babies who went one or two months without gaining any weight at all
    Read More
  • Thoughts from a Former Contact Mom +

    I used Ezzo stuff because it really fit my personality. I'm very structured and don't handle lots of chaos very well. I started with Preparation for Parenting when my youngest was a newborn. He is 12-1/2 now. My other kids are 11, 8, 5, and 7 months. I was also a "contact mom" for GFI for several years. We used Preparation for the Toddler Years (back before it was even an "official" program), and GKGW, also. We read through Reflections of Moral Innocence and ended up not using that. Having
    Read More
  • Former GFI Leadership Couple, Eric and Julie Abel +

    The Abels helped found GFI and were featured on GKGW curriculum video tapes resigned over ethical concerns. Here they share their thoughts on how some aspects of the GKGW principles were detrimental to their family.   This is the Internet archive of that FAQ
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  • A Group of Case Studies +

    This group of case histories was compiled by Laurie Moody, an ex-contact mom with GFI. Unlike most contact moms, this one was a certified lactation counselor. http://www.angelfire.com/md2/moodyfamily/casestudies.html
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  • More Stories from around the Web +

    7/20/1997 Link to post "...the church's youth pastor invited me into his office and told me about the Ezzo's programs and how important they were to effective Christian and biblical parenting. ...I took the book right home and read it straight through. I immediately felt immensly guilty that I had been demand-feeding my baby and sat down to scratch out a schedule for him. But even as I was doing it I had a very uneasy feeling in my gut, so I prayed and asked God for wisdom regarding accepting
    Read More
  • Babywise Stole Precious Weeks +

    BabyWise stole many precious weeks from me in the beginning of my son's life. I wish I could have just loved on him without all the fear that Ezzo put into me about creating a spoiled baby. When I found out I was pregnant with my son, I sought the advice out of women that I knew and respected who had children. My own mom died when I was 19, and I felt truly lost as I searched for the "right" way to be a mom. One of the friends
    Read More
  • Ezzo Lived in My Brain +

    I heard a lot about how awesome GKGW and Babywise are so naturally I bought Babywise when I was pregnant with my first. But my baby was teeny (6.5) and jaundiced, so the lactation consultant adamantly emphasized feeding on cue and even suggested co-sleeping.  My husband brought her in our bedroom the first night home from the hospital and said, "we can't just put her away". He can't stand to hear a baby cry. We did not end up actively using Babywise.  Even so, having read the book, Ezzo lived
    Read More
  • Young, Naive, Pregnant with First Child +

    The year was 2008. A young, naive woman is pregnant with her first child. She is unsure, lacks confidence and wants to be certain she does the best job for her unborn child. Yet there are a great deal of books, resources and information - which ones to start with? Which ones to trust? So she turns to older, more experienced mothers who all but thrust this book into her hands and begin making the promises.
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  • A note of appreciation from an older parent +

    Let me start by saying that 14 or 15 years ago, I was in the unhappy position of having to do everything in my power to force two sets of new parents to drive their babies to the emergency room because, after following the Ezzo’s advice, these babies were severely dehydrated and lethargic.  The parents were not bad parents.  In fact, they were trying really hard to be good parents, according to guidelines which had been sanctioned by their church.  The fact that both contacted me for a home visit,
    Read More
  • Confessions of a Former Babywise Advocate +

    This story comes via the blog "Banned from Baby Showers".   The blog owner shares a mother's account of how she used Babywise successfully -- as far as she knew -- until her baby was 7 months old, and then her milk supply began to peter out.  Confessions of a Former Babywise Advocate
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  • A Forgiven Mama +

    Our first child was born in the summer of 09, and I promptly began trying to apply the Babywise method. The book had been highly recommended by a distant relative, and promised structure and sanity amidst the exhaustion and upheaval I felt as a new mother. However, our baby did not respond the way the book promised he would if we followed the schedule. All my attempts to adhere to the book led to deep frustration, arguments with my husband (who knew better than to let a book dictate our newborn's schedule), feeling like a
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