Thoughts from a Former Contact Mom
by K. S.
submitted 5/14/03
I used Ezzo stuff because it really fit my personality. I'm very structured and don't handle lots of chaos very well. I started with PFP when my youngest was a newborn. He is 12-1/2 now. My other kids are 11, 8, 5, and 7 months.
I was also a "contact mom" for GFI for several years. We used Preparation for the Toddler Years (back before it was even an "official" program), and GKGW, also. We read through Reflections of Moral Innocence and ended up not using that.
Having said all that, I no longer support the Ezzos in
any way. First, we are realizing that it is not realistic
to be that much in control of our children's every move.
We see with our 11 year old that he has trouble making
decisions with confidence now. Perhaps because we NEVER,
and I mean NEVER let him make choices, so he never really
learned how. When he tried to express his opinion as a
toddler and a small child, we made him stop. He is extremely
well behaved, by the way. A total pleasure to be around.
He just has very little confidence.
As a contact mom, mothers from my church who were using
the GFI programs would come to me with questions. I ran
across many "stubborn" babies who wouldn't nap
past the 45 minute mark of their expected one-and-a-half
to two-hour nap. I started to notice how many of the same
moms who had that complaint also ended up using formula
with their babies by about 4 months of age. They thought
they were just "one of those moms" who could
not produce milk past that point. They were convinced
that it was normal to not be able to nurse past 4 months!
This is not so--in fact they were training their bodies
to not make enough milk by not nursing often enough to
keep up a good supply, and the shortened naps were probably
a sign of hunger, not stubbornness. I saw that over and
over and over.
Since distancing myself from GFI, I have learned to be
a much more compassionate and relational parent. I have
a long way to go. It is still my nature and personality
to work toward results. I don't see them as rapidly now
as I used to. And I'm not as proud when I walk into a
restaurant - my kids aren't quite the "show pieces"
they used to be.
But they are REAL and we are real. We are not trying to create an image any more. We are trying to love our children as Christ would have us love them. Yes, we still discipline our kids - we even spank them sometimes! And when my baby cries, I don't always feed her. I am aware of how long it has been since she last ate, and I use that in my evaluation of what is going on with her and what she needs.
The author is the mother of 5 children and a former contact mom with GFI.
